Wednesday, 31 March 2010

The River...

"peace. it does not mean to be in a pleace where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." ~ unknown

Last May I was out in BC visiting the parental unit. I was runing along a trail that I love when an inner voice said 'I want to come home'. I stopped dead in my tracks. Where did that come from? Did I really want to come home? It took about a second before I had the answer. Yes.

I'm not sure why all of a sudden I wanted to be there. Perhaps it was Mum's fall that February where she ended up with a broken wrist and trauma galore due to a poor setting, wacky meds etc. Or maybe it was losing both my good friend Terry aka Tigger to cancer, and my furry buddy Mr. Cringely to kidney disease, all within the span of three weeks. Perhaps I was intoxicated with the smell of the pine trees and salt water. Or maybe it was just time...

Because I had just started my own consulting company and I had two Ironman races to complete that year, I decided that perhaps moving right away would not be the best idea. Instead I'd give myself a year to see how things went with the company and finish the races.

The year is now up and I'm less than two days away from moving home. The funny thing is I didn't realize it would be this hard to leave the life I created here. The last few weeks have been tough. Although I'm ecstatic to be going home to my family on the wet coast - ALL of them live there - I'm sad to be leaving the family of friends I have created here.

Yesterday was the hardest yet. I moved out of my house. I'm so thankful my friends were there to help with the move because I was struggling to find peace amidst the chaos. As I shut the door to what was now just the shell of my home I thought to myself 'Why now the attachment to this place? It's just a structure.'

A realization came over me, it wasn't just the house I was leaving, it was my friends. The house was the starting point. When I moved here five and half years ago I was heartbroken and licking the wounds of a failed relationship. This house was the first home I had owned on my own. It was like a warm security blanket, wrapping itself around my shoulders and telling me everything would be ok.

In very short order, everything was ok. I made new friends who would become like family. We would share our triumphs and losses together. I 'grew up' here - emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I sought inner peace and I found it. Now I am leaving all that...or am I? If I could create that type of sanctuary here, could I not create it when I went home? Or maybe I will just bring it with me. At least I will be starting out with a good foundation - friends and family who have been waiting for me to return.

These were the thoughts that tumbled around in my head as I walked along the river today. I had decided to come down here after having lunch with some of those wonderful friends I mentioned. I needed some quiet time to let sink in all that was happening. Last Saturday I came down to the river with my friend Ted. Usually I walk along the path that hugs the river, but on Saturday we looked down the embankment and noticed a skinny rocky 'beach' we could walk along.

Todays walk would take me a little downstream of that section. As soon as I got to the rivers edge, with all the beautiful river stones, I knew I was in the right place. It was quiet except for the gentle gurgling of the water over the stones and the drip drip drip, of the water coming off the melting snowbank onto the rocks.

Way up above I could hear the ruckus of a group of ducks flying into the sunny blue sky. As I stared up at their beauty I thought to myself...keep your mouth closed. You never know when one of those cute ducky's is going to decide to drop a load. Even in the peace of the moment my mind can be a wee bit bent.

At one point I tried skipping some rocks. I love doing that, alas I am not an expert. When I was here on Saturday Ted was skipping, what I would consider boulders, four or five times, but for some reason I could barely get two skips with the lightest, most perfectly flat stone. Today I didn't even manage one skip. Just a massive kerplunk! in the calm waters.

I figured the next best thing to skipping rocks, would be to skip on the rocks. I prayed my trusty Converse sneakers would hold on some of the rocks so I wouldn't go for an unexpected swim.

I was hopping and skipping along my merry way when I spotted this little find...a heart stone. This was the second heart stone I'd found in this area. I found one on Saturday when I was out here as well. Perhaps my little town is sending me off with love?

I felt better after my walk, more at peace with everything. I am going to miss this town and all of my friends here. My heart swells when I think of all the wonderful memories I have from here and I know there will be many more to follow...just in a different way.

Thank you to everyone I've met here who has been with me along my journey. You will forever be in my heart.

Peace out my beautiful friends!


  1. Nice photos! It's been a fun 8 years and a month and a few days. It was weird at first going from not seeing you every day, to seeing you every once in a while, and now, every once in a long while. I'm looking forward to the next time. Drive safe on your way home. Everything will work out.

  2. Great post - great adventures and friend ahead and great friends that you will continue to have despite miles between you. Follow your heart and happiness will find you:)

  3. Beautiful! Leaving a place where you have created roots is hard, I lived in Calgary 10 years before moving up here. I wouldn't change a thing though, this is home now.
    But holy moly sister, you are moving to the MECCA! Your sadness will be short lived as you enter the world of BC- early spring, heaps of natural beauty and a nirvana for granola types such as yourself.
    Enjoy the journey! A fresh page of the book of your life awaits...can't wait to read what happens next for you!!

  4. welcome home kid. Bet it rains and its cold just to remind you it ain't all sunny and warm.
    Parental unit offers bed/board to Suzi friends who want to see the westcoast--reservations required.

  5. Ok -- I'm first on the reservation list! LOL!!!

    You have touched so many lives with your positivity and humour. I can't imagine the mixed bag of emotions you must be experiencing...

    But like Amber said -- you are moving to an AWESOME place. Launching into a new life -- I am so proud of you for taking this leap of faith. :) :)

    And just because I can....


    Love you gorgeous,
    Julie :)

  6. You've moved. You've dealt with stress. You've given your parents a big hug. You have had time to hug a tree or two. It's now time to blog. We want details about your new life!!! Or else we'll call you Julie, who seems to have fallen off the blogosphere. Sigh.

  7. Wow, what a post Susi. I remember seeing that house with you the first time, running downstairs after seeing the view out the top bedroom window and telling you this was the one!! You have done so many amazing things and it's quite something when life 'speaks' to you and one listens. Proud of what you've done Chiquita! Love the blog.