So I have not been happy of late. Well, mostly not happy on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Why? Because my bikes on those nights have been sucking. Big time. That’s WHEN I can actually get them done. It’s been brutal and I’ve been really upset about it.
Here’s the stupid thing. I kept trying and not succeeding and getting more and more frustrated, but I didn’t tell IG. Well, I think I did mention it one time, but I didn’t really explain how long it had been going on or how I’d been feeling. So how exactly could he help me right?
By the time I did say something, or rather write something as I was so upset I knew I’d burst into tears when I talked to him, so instead I sent an email, my perspective about the whole situation was totally out of whack. I pretty much had thrown my goal time for IMCDA out the window, figured I was the worst triathlete EVER and had no mental gumption whatsoever. The email was so negative that IG was so disappointed, he couldn’t write back that evening.
Typically I have a really positive nature about training, life, and keep a good perspective on things. So why did it all go to hell? I haven’t actually figured that out yet, but I have a few ideas.
First off, training for an early season event can be somewhat challenging when the winter seems to be dragging along and you can’t get outside to ride. I think the lack of sun and vitamin D have also been playing a role in this. Perhaps I should get one of those S.A.D. lights, haha.
Second, I swim before work on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Then I work a long day, have a long commute and am exhausted when I get home. Had I kept things in perspective I would have realized that I’m just too damned tired those evenings to be able to dig deep and push a hard workout. I wouldn’t have been thinking ‘why am I so weak?!’ I would have contacted my coach and said, ‘Look, I need to change things up because this isn’t working for me’. It’s silly really. I was so caught up in looking towards the race I let things get way out of hand in my mind.
So that leads me to another thing that contributed to me losing perspective. I have been spending way too much time in the future. No, I haven’t been time traveling; rather my thoughts have been in the future a lot. Now this is a bad habit that I’ve needed to break for a long time. I keep thinking about outcomes. The outcome of races, especially Ironman and outcomes of life choices.
In truth, I don’t think this is necessarily a trait uncommon to triathletes, or athletes in general. We constantly plan and think about what we have to do this week, the next week and so on. If it’s not planning our training, its planning our food, planning our races, planning our traveling, hell, planning what we are going to wear! Will it be the black tights with red top and matching toque, or the black spandex and purple top with clashing green toque?!
Thing is, I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing to do this all the time. I think it can contribute to losing perspective on things. At least it did for me. What I need to be focusing on is the ‘right now’. I’ve had some help with this. I’m seeing a life coach who’s helping me, as well as reading Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A New Earth’, which I love.
This is one of the reasons I’ve been riding in the dungeon without music or the t.v. on. I want to train myself to stay in the present moment, not only when I’m training, but when it comes to race time.
I don’t want to be thinking of the bike when I’m in the water, or the run when I’m on the bike. I want to think of each stroke and kick when I’m in the swim. I want to be smooth and relaxed on the bike; have power and cadence. This time I actually want to run on the run! I want to be completely in touch with my body and mind.
This hasn’t been easy for me or my brain gerbil, but we are learning. The times I have maintained focus and stayed in the present, whether its during a swim, on the trainer or on a run, have been bliss. It’s truly a zen like feeling when it happens, even if it doesn’t happen too often yet. Of course, I’ve also been practicing this in my daily life and found that I’m more at peace.
So I will continue to practice staying in the moment and therefore keeping things in perspective. No more thinking about outcomes! Whatever happens on those days will, so there is no sense wasting brain energy on it now.
All together now…’OHMMMMMM’.
Peace out my friends.