Today didn’t start off as well as the others. I’d been battling gastrointestinal issues (GI) since Thursday. I am not sure if it's from whatever got me earlier this week, or if it was pre-race anxiety. I am excited and, I thought, calm about the race so I really don't know what's going on. I was doing my best not to let the discomfort get to me, but this morning I finally broke down.
I had gone to bed early last night because my GI tract was really hurting, so I wasn’t there when Leslie, Teresa and Michaela arrived. When I got up this morning I was a little worse for wear. I saw Leslie, we hugged, and then I broke down in tears.
Leslie and I then went into my room for a wee chit chat.
I told her that I’d been hurting for the last two days. I was trying not to let it get to me, that I was repeating my health mantra, but now I was getting scared and I didn’t know what to do. I told her that I wanted this years race to be different from last years race and I thought I had gotten my GI issues under some control. I wasn’t worried about the race and I was excited because the course was so beautiful. I knew I was going to enjoy being out there.
That’s when she repeated back to me what I had said.
Before I go on about what she said next, I should explain something. Leslie is one of, what I would call, my spiritual guides. I’m not religious, but I do believe in the Universe, Mother Nature and the power of being in the present moment. Leslie, started me on this journey of living in the present when I first met her three and a half years ago. My other guide is Cathy, my life coach. Both have been instrumental in helping me stay focused on the present moment this year, which has helped me enormously with my triathlon training and getting me to the start line.
Leslie heard what I was saying then said to me, ‘I hear how excited you are about the course, how beautiful it is here and how you are looking forward to it. But I also heard you say you wanted this year to be totally different. Remember the Zen saying that to want or to desire is to suffer.’ At this point a big ‘aha!’ happened in my brain. She went on to point out that I had used the word ‘wanted’, so I had already decided what was going to happen tomorrow. Ugh! I totally did.
For a moment I had lost track of all that I have been learning and studying! I had sprung into the future rather than staying in the present. Rats! Not that losing track is a bad thing, after all, when learning something new there is a tendency to forget sometimes. Right away I gave thanks for Leslie arriving just when she did. Although I know it was no coincidence – there are no coincidences in life, everything just happens when it’s supposed to. I’m lucky that Leslie has been there for me right when I needed her every since we met.
I’d like to say that my GI issues went away at this moment, but they didn’t. However, my feeling of fear did. Tomorrow is tomorrow. What is going to happen, will happen and there is nothing I can do to stop it. There is something I can do though – I can do my best in the race. As for today, I can do what I need to, to prepare and spend time with my family and friends.
Shortly after our talk I went to get my race checklist so I could start bagging up my transition and special needs bags. I came across a sheet that I had printed off with a saying that Jenna had shared with me. It said, ‘When I do the best I can with what I have, then I have won my race.’
So that’s what I’ll be doing tomorrow – my absolute best with what I have.
Peace out my friends!