I woke up this morning tired of the tears. I had been crying spontaneously for the last couple of days, doing the 'poor me' thing. Not my style, but we all slip there sometimes.
Last night was my lowest point, as I'm sure can be felt by my blog. The worst was bursting into tears when I was on the phone with my Moeder. I felt horrible doing that as it's gotta suck being a parental unit, being hundreds of kilometers away and having their adult kidlet crying and knowing they can't do anything to help. At the same time, I had to call home because when I'm frustrated and upset all I want is my Mommy and Daddy. We are the three muskateers and even though they can't help, I just needed to talk to them.
So as I got ready for my run I thought, enough is enough. We've had our weepy moment, now it's time for action. As I headed out the door I cranked the tunes - it was definitely a punk rock morning. I could get through anything with the help of the Sex Pistols, Anthrax, and Violent Femmes. Hell, just to mix things up why not throw in a little of LL Cool J's "Momma Said Knock You Out'. I was going to run through the streets with my fist pounding the air in defiance of how I was feeling! I would head bang my way through this moment.
Okay, figuritively only, all that fist pounding and head banging would likely lead to me losing my balance and smacking my noggin on a tree or something. That would definitely not help the situation at all! Plus, I'd look like a dork. Actually, the dork part wouldn't bug me in the least. Heh heh.
So ran I did. I didn't feel 100%, but I'm used to that. I was just happy to be out and moving. Doing something. As I ran I thought of the situation and mulled about the various options I might have. Plans of attack, if you will.
I was supposed to be running at a low heart rate today, as per usual...but today I needed to burn off a little steam as I pondered. So I didn't really look at my monitor that much. As Keith has said in the past, you could see the frustration blowing off my body. By the time I got back home I'd mustered up some ideas...I'll discuss them with IG and with my nutritionist and go from there.
The one thing that is adding pressure to finding a solution is the fact that IMCDA is not that far off. In fact, the widget that was counting down felt like a bit of a ticking time bomb...hence it's been removed. No more 'tick, tick, tick' to add pressure! Phew.
I felt much better when I got home, ideas in mind. I had to run out and do some errands and then get my massage. (I wish I could say it was a relaxing massage, but it was rather painful, haha. Damn calves and IT band!)
So I thought the tears were through, but then I read the comments on my blog....and it was waterfall city again. haha. This time though, the tears were not of pain, anger, or frustration, but rather they were of gratitude. Gratitude for the support given from those I know and those I've never met.
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean more than I could ever express. With that kind of support I know even in the icky times I'll get through it. Hugs to you all!
Peace out my friends.