I had been warned about the post IM blues. I wasn't sure if I'd be hit with them or not.....I think I might have them a bit...but I'm not sure if I'd call them the blues.
It happened as I started my drive from Penticton to Grand Forks where I was going to visit some friends. I was driving down the first part of the bike route, which is also the run route. It felt weird driving it - remembering all that went on in the run. And that's when I started to think 'what if'....
I swear, I hate the 'what if's'. They are brutal!! It takes so much energy to not go off on a tangent with them. I was starting to question my nutrition that day, 'what if I didn't take enough on the bike' (which I might add I knew I didn't because my stomach was going on me). Then I questioned 'what if I just pushed myself harder through the stomach pain?' Then other questions popped up 'what if I tried the chicken soup sooner', 'what if I forced my Infinit down' etc etc. You get the point....I'm a thinker...that's what I do. It can be a real pain in the arse sometimes though!
While I was visiting in GF I was ok. The questions seeemed to cease or at least fade a bit because I was having fun getting a tour of the town and talking about the race and how it felt, etc. Not to mention my friends were proudly telling their friends that we met that I had finished an Ironman. Yes, I was beaming, haha.
When I got back in the car though to make the drive back home the thoughts came pouring back. This is what happens when you have a 9 hour drive and no one else to talk to!! haha.
Believe it or not, it's taken me till now to stop all the what if's. I finally allowed myself to accept that this was my first Ironman and I didn't want to push the run. Simple as that. I'd never run a marathon before so I had no idea what to expect. This is the reason I didn't push myself past the GI pain I was feeling, why I didn't try the chicken soup earlier on, why I allowed myself to walk more than I wanted to. I was scared that if I did push and things got worse I might not be able to finish the race. Bottom line, my goal for the day was to finish!
Now I know some of you would have come to this realization much sooner than I did, and you get a gold star for that. Thhhhpppptt! LOL. For me though, I tend to have to, and excuse the expression, beat a dead horse till I figure it out.
I didn't have a time goal per se, but I did have an expectation. Based on my physical capabilities I felt I could come in around 14.5 hours. I guess that even though I'm ecstatic that I finished AND crossed the line with Tigger, I was a little disappointed that I was out there so long. (I feel bad writing that I should add.) Such is life though. We all set expectations for ourselves.
Have no fear though, I'm not all poopy about the whole thing. I just needed to think all that stuff through. And even with all that junk going through my head I'm super happy about a lot of things. A) I completed a friggin Ironman!!! My dream came true!!! 2) I stayed positive even when things were getting rough out there and C) I crossed the line holding hands with one of the most amazing women I know. Nothing can take that away!
Who could ask for anything more?!